Typing my heart out!

Well heyaa, I hope you’re doing good and really thanks for choosing to read my shit. So, if you know me then may be you’re aware I come here to write stuff when I’m feeling low. And rn it’s 5am and I’m genuinely wishing if someone was there to hear me out and there’s counted people i can talk to basically, because in my life mostly people are least bothered.

I’m really feeling anxious rn and it’s very hard to deal alone with it everytime but unfortunately it’s always been like this and it’s making me more strong. In my life it’s always been like this that i give my 200% for everything and for people who matters to me but in return either i get nothing or it’s the 5% I’m getting and it’s very hard to deal this way.

Recently I’ve no one thing people who used to mean to me and was there with me from last 2-3 years I’m loosing them for some reasons and idk if I’m reason definitely I’ve done wrong somehow but i cannot be the one everytime and I’ll stick to it. Because I’m just falling down for others and i cannot let myself keep falling everytime.

I’ve always been alone when i needed someone, it’s been 6-7 years I’m dealing with depression and anxiety and I’ve always helped myself and I’m so done to share things because I honestly don’t need people’s sympathy that’s something I’ll never take even if I’m dying. But I’m honestly tired of listening to ‘everything will be alright’ and to all those people I just wanna say please don’t say anything that’s far better than saying this statement.

Ik I’m sounding like a frustrated, fucked up bitch who’s venting, but I’m tired of dealing with shits, I’m tired of having nobody by my side, I’m tired of nobody understanding me. I even wanna be happy but fails everytime, and now I’m honestly stuck and blank that what more i had in my mind to take it out. But I’m happy that today I’m not crying, even if I was bout to I controlled myself because I hate crying tbh and I never used to cry much after i got back my pieces together but recently after the huge breakdown in end of Nov I’ve become a cry baby and I literally cry whenever something hurts me and I just hate it.

I’m saying today that I’m so proud of myself that even after so many shitty things happened I’ve got my back and I’m constantly struggling and fighting and again getting my shit together without anything.

Now I really feel a bit better after letting everything out, this is the only place I can vent without anything.

~Sagarika Bhattacharya